Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
