it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
