he was CRYING into my vagina
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
