remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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