so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
