I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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