omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
me + whiskey = a bad person
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
