Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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