Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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