Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize