You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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