So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
