No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
