look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
