kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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