so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
