i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize