Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
