If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
