no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
