Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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