seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
