Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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