I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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