tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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