Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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