I wish my penis had an off switch
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
