You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
