i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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