Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
