Where did you get a picture of my penis
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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