I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
