i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
