Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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