Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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