i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
