You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
