I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
