DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
