News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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