PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
