so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize