Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
