I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
