New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
