The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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