Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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