this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
