Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
