Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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