You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
