How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
