We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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