you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
