woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
