Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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