Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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