Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We were destined to go to rehab together
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
