There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
birth control should be required to get into college
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
