I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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