she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize