it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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