Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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