So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
