I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
pop tarts are not kleenex
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
