I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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