I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
