so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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