There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
