went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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