You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize