Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When are your genitals available?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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