it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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