he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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