it's too hot outside to masturbate.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
